False Holiness: When Legalism Hurts Christians and Destroys Relationships
There is a kind of holiness in the church world today that looks good, and people think that they look pure when they practice it, but it's actually not true biblical holiness. It doesn't actually help people. It only hurts people.
And I want to talk about this from my own personal experience.
My Experience With Churches That Tolerated Sin
When I first got saved, I went to a Pentecostal charismatic church. And this church held a theology that was very similar to Joseph Prince's theology. They thought it was possible for people to be genuine Christians and be living in unrepentant, habitual sin.
For example, you had people in the church who were going off to nightclubs, getting drunk, and sleeping around. You had people in the church living together and sleeping together outside of marriage, and yet they were being made to feel like they were still Christians.
When I went to talk to the pastor about it, the pastor made me feel as though I was doing the wrong thing. They were telling me that when I'm an older Christian, I'll come to a better understanding of things.
Then I went and visited other Pentecostal charismatic churches, and I found that those ones were the same. I'm not saying that all Pentecostal charismatic churches are like this, but these are the ones that I visited. They were very much like this.
And so I really struggled with it, and I started listening to preachers like Paul Washer, John MacArthur, and David Wilkerson. I started leaving that movement and fellowshipping with Christians who were more serious about being holy, more serious about being faithful to God, and being obedient to God's Word.
But over time, these people, and perhaps even myself, started to become a little bit legalistic.
When Personal Convictions Become Legalism
They started having these personal convictions, which is fine. It's fine for you to read the Word and to have your own personal convictions about what the Scriptures are saying. But they started looking down upon others for not holding those particular convictions.
And we're not talking about things that are obviously wrong, obvious sins. We're talking about things that are disputable matters.
For example, should women wear headscarves in church? Do women have to wear dresses? Are they allowed to wear jeans, or do they have to wear dresses? Do these dresses have to be all the way down to their ankles?
Are women allowed to engage in conversation with other Christians, other men in the church, when we're talking about the things of God, or should they just be quiet and listen?
Is it wrong to go on holidays, spend money, and have a good time? Do you have to ask the father's permission to marry his daughter?
All these different things where people had their personal convictions, and they were looking down on and judging others for not sharing those convictions.
And over time, this sort of legalism didn't promote holiness. What it promoted was a judgmental attitude towards others, a sense of self-righteousness, looking down upon others. It pushed people away from each other, and it didn't help people. It hurt people.
And I think the book of Romans addresses this particular issue.
What Does Romans 14 Say About Disputable Matters?
If you look in the book of Romans, chapter 14, beginning at verse 1, Paul seems to be addressing this very thing. He says:
“Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.” — Romans 14:1
Notice here that he's talking about disputable matters. He's not talking about obvious sins like adultery, fornication, drunkenness, and things like this. He's talking about disputable matters.
And then he gives an example:
“One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” — Romans 14:2–4
Notice here in this passage that Paul is talking about disputable matters, matters where there is genuine disagreement among Christians who are pursuing holiness and seeking to be faithful to the Word of God.
And he says, look, when it comes to disputable matters, don't look down on someone who doesn't share your particular conviction, and don't condemn someone who has their own particular convictions.
This is how Paul says we are to handle differences of opinion when there is genuine room for dispute on the subject.
He gives another example. It says this in verse 5:
“One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” — Romans 14:5
Notice here in this passage that Paul says that each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.
See, when you look down on someone for not sharing your conviction, or you condemn them, or you make them feel, either by your words or by your actions, by the way you treat them, as though they're not quite as holy as you or they're in some kind of sin, you're putting pressure on them to conform.
When you make them feel that way and you make them conform, they're not conforming because they're being fully convinced in their own mind. They're conforming because of the pressure that you're putting on them.
They're not looking at the Word of God and reaching the same conclusion as you and therefore complying. They're being made to feel as though they have to comply or people will look down on them. People will judge them. People will say bad things about them.
And that's simply wrong.
Straining Out a Gnat and Swallowing a Camel (Matthew 23:23–24)
Oftentimes, these people strain out a gnat and swallow a camel. We see this in Matthew chapter 23, and I think this passage is really relevant. Matthew chapter 23, beginning at verse 23, Jesus says:
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” — Matthew 23:23–24
Now, Jesus is talking about tithing here. These Pharisees and religious leaders were living under the Mosaic Law in the land of Israel.
He says, “You give a tenth,” which they're supposed to do, “of your spices, mint, dill and cumin, but you have neglected the more important matters of the law, justice, mercy and faithfulness.”
Notice here that these people are tithing on their spices. They're looking at their little herb garden and they're saying, “Oh, we better separate 10% of all of these little spices to make sure that we're tithing.”
But then they're neglecting the weightier matters of the law: justice, mercy, and faithfulness, and dare I say, love.
A lot of the time, these people who force their own personal convictions on disputable matters upon others lack love. They lack mercy. They lack grace.
And they strain out a gnat and swallow a camel, and they hurt people.
True Biblical Holiness Is Not Legalism
This kind of legalism isn't helpful. It hurts people, and it destroys relationships. It destroys long-term relationships. It even destroys families.
And it's a terrible kind of legalism that you need to run a million miles away from.
There's nothing wrong with pursuing holiness, being serious about obedience to God's Word, or having strong personal convictions. But there's a difference between being serious about holiness and looking down upon others because they don't share your convictions on disputable matters.
Paul makes it very clear in Romans 14 that we shouldn't condemn one another over these things. Each person should be fully convinced in his own mind.
And when we start pressuring people to conform to our personal convictions, when we make them feel as though they're somehow less holy than us, we're not helping them to pursue holiness. We're promoting a judgmental attitude and a sense of self-righteousness.
And as Jesus warned the Pharisees, we can become so concerned about these smaller matters that we neglect the weightier matters of God's Word: justice, mercy, faithfulness, and love.
That's not true biblical holiness.